RobCallahan

robcallahan has left the building

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:10:36 GMT

Been field testing a bunch of CMSs and I'm fairly certain I've finally landed on the one I want, so I am telling you all now, with 99% certainty, that robcallahan.com is back for good and I'll be dumping most of my insights over there from now on. I'll maybe be making small aesthetic changes in the days to come, but for the most part it is ready to roll out.

And those of you who prefer the phone browser will likely enjoy m.robcallahan.com. Still working on that aspect, but it's as good to go as needs be right now.

so I'll see you over there.

I'm doing a special thing just for CONvergence.

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 08:08:31 GMT

(You can only get this at CONvergence. More information the other side of this link. See you there.)

My Schedule at CONvergence 2008

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:48:42 GMT

Would those of you who will be attending CONvergence! in Minneapolis over the July 4th weekend kindly make it a point to stop by and say hello to me? I'll be on the panels listed below. Between those times, I'll likely be wandering the dealer rooms or looking for free booze. At some point I'll try to get in at the reading lounge and, should anyone want a signed book, I'll bring a sharpie. When you do come up and say hello, don't be shy about bringing me booze... or a hot meal. I so rarely ever eat those. Those among you who own/bring a Radio Controlled Battling Dalek Action Set are especially encouraged to show.

Thu 5:00pm - 6:00pm Emergent Genres And Movements
A discussion of The New Weird, Mundane Science Fiction, Space-Westerns, and other current movements in the field.

Thu 8:00pm - 9:00pm Closet Geeks... Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are!
When did you realized you were a geek? Are you considering stepping out of the geek closet? If you told people you were going to be 'out of town this weekend,' then this panel is for you!

Sun 9:30am - 10:30am Sarah Jane Adventures
It may be the least talked about/acknowledged of the current run of Doctor Who spin-offs, but it's definitely worth discussion. Is The Sarah Jane Adventures far better than it has any right to be?

Sun 12:30pm - 1:30pm Subverting Tropes
Discuss the basic tropes of SF/F/H and how to subvert, twisted, and otherwise stand them on their ear.

So for research, I will spend the next nine days watching Doctor Who spinoffs and reading strange books. As far as the strange books go, any of you got suggestions?

Hellbound Snowballs - Price Reduced at Amazon

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:47:12 GMT

Amazon have got the price of my new book slashed down to $13.38 this morning. Better go get yourself a copy before they realize I was already not making them much money.

Oh, and The Rob Callahan Library is over here.

What is this "Hellbound Snowballs" Anyway?

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:31:40 GMT

In brief, it's a love story, a ghost story, a monster story, a coming of age, a whodunnit & a why'dtheydoit. It's maniac creativity, frantic weirdness and linguistic acrobatics. It's what M. Christian (The Very Bloody Marys) calls "100% Recommended," what left Mckenzee (Sinister Bedfellows) "living in the mirror," and induced in MontiLee Stormer (Isle of Shadows) the deep and irrefutable knowledge, "his brain is sexy." It's a story told traipsing to and fro, between the utterly profound and the hopelessly juvenile, along a crooked path of pop cultural stepping stones jutting out from the murk of the collective unconscionable. It is the wit and pace of my stories Fruit Fly the Magician and Valentine's Prey delivered with the mystery and mistrust of Phallus in Wonderland and In His Own Image. (In case you're wondering, those are all short stories printed in my first book, DAMAGED GOODS, for which you can procure free shipping by ordering it along with Hellbound Snowballs. There. Had to be said...) It's my novel, now available thanks to the efforts of the wonderful people at Raised All Wrong Press, and I'd like to share it with you.

If you read only one novel in your entire lifetime, read something by Steinbeck or Hemmingway, but if you read another, make this the one!

That's love, isn't it?

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 23:00:25 GMT

PSA - Watch Out For Ice

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:28:01 GMT

2008 is the year I replace my loyal but tired old electronics. Today the electric half of my hybrid car was pronounced dead to the tune of $5,000 in repairs. Yesterday I replaced the TREO 600 with a CENTRO. That came with video capability my old phone lacked, so it makes sense that I'd start making videos to share with you. Here, then, is the first video I shot. It's of a giant icicle.

cross-posted from RobCallahan.com

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 00:33:02 GMT

When the first signed copies of the book ship out (That will happen on January 2nd, for those of you wondering. These damnable holidays have held up everything.) the following people will find their names in the acknowledgements. It’s a bit shorter list than last time round…

MontiLee Stormer, Larry “Mckenzee” Holderfield, M. Christian, Erik Evans - Because they help me a lot.

David “Chopsticks” Kirschenmann - For a line he gave me.

Ray “Shaking Hands” Aune - For a line he gave me.

Sarah “Would You Like A Banana” Lynch-Walker - For a line she gave me.

Phil “Day of the Crow” Boigenzahn - For an idea he gave me.

The Degenerati - For their loyal allegiance.

Slim Dunlap* - For having me in his Top 8.

Booksense.com, Amazon.com - For working so hard to sell my last book.

* This is actually due to Terry Walsh, but of course I hadn’t thought of that by press time.

SPecial Announcement Message

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 09:07:47 GMT

(As the week goes on, I'll likely have resent this to you at least once via various means. It's just one of those things I do when I've got a book to promote.)

If you are reading this SPecial Announcement Message, it's because I want to extend a special offer just to you and a couple thousand other close, personal friends of mine. My newest novel, Hellbound Snowballs, has just been released. And by that I mean it won't be out for a couple of weeks, but you can have one before anyone else. Even better, you can have a signed copy before anyone else. Signed copies are available over at RobCallahan.com for the same price as a crappy unsigned copy from some other place that doesn't love you like I do.

I'm doing this solely for you. All those other readers mean nothing to me. You're the only one for whom I want to sign a book. In fact, I've never even signed a book before. I've been saving myself just for you, so please let me sign you a book. I've heard if writers don't get to sign books, they could die. I have an above average signature and I'll still respect you in the epilogue. I'll beg if I have to.

Watt!

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 03:09:58 GMT

What?

Movin' On Up

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 14:11:47 GMT

Surprises this morning:

I'm no longer affiliated with BarelyEvil.com. I am instead affiliated with Suicide Girls. Somehow, that makes me feel classy.

My editor wrote to apologize for the delays in new novel production, and thanked me for my understanding. Understanding? Meh. I caused at least half the delays, so I should be.

There was some third thing, but I forgot it in the course of typing the other two.

Punk Rock Pinup Girls

One Week and Counting

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 01:56:41 GMT

At first I had this almost imperceptible tinge of hesitation over the editor's choice to keep the right margin unaligned - not enough to bring it up, mind you, but it was there - but now that I see what it will look like in print, I really do like the look of it. In fact, the only change I had to request at all was that of the font size, to something slightly bigger, so that eyes over thirty-five can read just as comfortably as those under. Pictured above is what will very likely be the final layout.

Do you suppose anyone will have any interest in signed copies?

Free Rob Callahan

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 00:17:19 GMT

This site called Chuggnutt hosts free e-books and they used to link to mine, but I've lost those files and can't be bothered to recreate them right now. If any of you out there are willing to convert them to the appropriate format, I'll send you text files containing the full contents of both Damaged Goods and Hellbound Snowballs - A Novel right away. Once you've got them converted (shouldn't take you long) you can just send them directly to the guy. So are there any takers?

140 Daily Characters of Insight, Observation and Admission

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 13:05:08 GMT

Join me at http://twitter.com/robcallahan and every day I will write a brief, new string of words especially for you. That's right. I'm doing this just for you. All those other people reading my texts mean nothing to me. You're the meaning in my life. You're the inspiration, if you will...

"The 1st time he saw Farscape, he was outraged by how blatantly the show had stolen its cuss words from the blogosphere. Was nothing sacred!?"

"Every time you masturbate God kills a kitten. Imagine if killing kittens was your fetish. You would be the luckiest jerk in the whole world."

"Mental Note: Next time postpone the Dr. Who convention, & all preliminary discussions thereof, until the 2nd or 3rd date. At the very least."

"They watched with remorse as the sky came down, and lamented their treatment of Chicken Little, wishing they, too, had been better prepared."

"Years later, golf ball retriever in hand, he returned & slaughtered them all like sand people. Star Wars Grownup was not to be trifled with."

"I thought he meant superconducting quantum interface devices, but the autopsy later revealed his head was actually just filled with squids."

"Combining the dark arts of radio & dentistry I've fine-tuned my fillings to receive your prayers. Yes I'm listening. No you can't have that."

"The Holocaust could've been avoided if, during any of Hitler's early speeches, somebody would have had the foresight to invoke Godwin's Law."

Things of Which I Really Should Be Ashamed, Part 8,437,902

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 00:56:36 GMT

Dear Diary,

Today, while writing with my lovely and talented partner, I produced Chapter 15 for Isle of Shadows, which is a chapter consisting of roughly 3,800 words' worth of softcore furry porn. I really, really hate myself today.

-Rob

Burning Bridges

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 23:06:20 GMT

Phone rings Thursday night. It's a reporter (We'll call him Ben.) from a medium-circulation paper (We'll call it the Saint Cloud Times.) who wants to know about this woman with whom I went to college.

He asks, "Did you know her?"

"Yeah," I tell him, "I know her, but I haven't seen her in years."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." He goes on to tell me her name was among the first four of victims' released after the bridge fell, he apologizes some more, and then starts asking the sort of questions that lead me to believe he's writing a profile piece.

I interrupt him. "Hold on," I say, "is she confirmed dead? Are we one hundred percent positive?"

He tells me yes and we finish up the conversation. I make like to call a mutual friend of ours and I'm half way through his number when I remember he's been dead for years. I suddenly feel like McCoy in Encounter at Farpoint. I check all the papers' websites and, sure enough, her name is one of the four released. No other information, just her name. I make a couple more calls, but can't get through to anyone due to the hour, so I hit the ATM and proceed to go get piss drunk at the corner bar.

Next day I wake up and do what you do in these situations. I find out where the funeral is and make arrangements to go. I schedule a bit of time off from work. I keep an eye on the net as more information filters out. The nature of this news is that it changes. For example, in Julia's case, her points of origin and destination seem to change throughout the day. The ages and names of her children vary from news source to news source. There's no mention of her photography (She took that picture of me.) or her time in Saint Cloud. Something's fishy about her maiden name, and since when did she enroll in beauty school? By 6pm I've successfully found a picture of the victim and it's some other Julia. Not mine. Mine is presumably alive somewhere and, also presumably, fielding calls as to the nature of her untimely death.

The reporter's number is in my call log so I shoot him a text: I don't think that's the same Julia. Are you able to verify your source? He texts me back to inform me that yes, it's the wrong girl, and that the paper found out that morning. I am left to wonder two things:

1. When you start calling strangers to tell them their friend is dead, shouldn't you start calling them back the moment you realize you're wrong?

2. If they didn't realize until the morning, does this mean they sent an edition to press what told the sad, sad story of her tragic death?

Okay, three things... 3. You know that feeling people say they get when they hear about the death of a loved one? They sort of sit around waiting to hear that it was all a mistake? Yeah, I've never gotten that, which is really too bad, as it would have made this whole thing far more poetic.

Weird.

One Thing I Have in Common With Abe Vigoda

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 06:23:44 GMT

At 7:00am Wednesday morning, I was reading a front page article about this bridge what studies had shown was completely unsafe and couldn't be counted on to hold up under its current load, let alone the weight of the train they were going to put on it. (That train is another story. Every track and tie laid for it thusfar has been a headless blunder toward disaster, but we'll talk about that some other time.)

At 7:00pm, a handful of out-of-town friends were calling to see if I'd been on that bridge, as it seemed to have fallen into the river. We should note that this happened within twenty-four hours of a front-page article warning us of the distinct possibility that said bridge would fall into the river. I hear the byline read "Mothman."

Tragedies are best served with ample sides of irony, though, and this one exceeded expectations. The reason the bridge collapsed, near as anyone can tell right now, was the constant stress and strain placed upon it by construction work, work being done to reinforce it, reinforcing it so that it wouldn't fall into the river.

So anyway, I did what any manager with clients and staff moving all over the city would do, I called them all and took a head count. If anyone asks, though, tell them it was for liability reasons. You know, HR stuff. I don't want word spreading that I was actually concerned. Same holds true if you see me giving blood or clearing rubble. I have a rep to maintain.

Speaking of cold reps, I live about ten minutes' walk from that bridge and (token statement now reads:) "Gosh, I drive on it almost every day." That said, my mom still hasn't called to see if I'm dead. Infernal woman.

The root word being "twit" is just coincidence, right?

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 08:04:41 GMT

Every hour, on the hour, Abe Vigoda sends me a text to let me know he hasn't died yet.

Don't tell me we've run out of new, practical uses for the internet.

As Wrong As Wrong Gets

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 09:09:21 GMT

It's not ambrosia, but it'll do.

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 09:03:24 GMT

The cat just delivered to me this offering:

(Quarter pictured to illustrate scale.)

It's a cicada, which you don't normally see in Minnesota, and especially in the middle of the city. We just haven't got the requisite growing season or green space to support bugs this big.

As a reward for both his worship of me and the fine honing of his hunting skills, I let him eat it. Now he's out again, presumably looking for more. He seems quite pleased and my value and benevolence in the capacity of pet owner is now firmly established. Carry on.

"Though there is better living through science and chemistry, we are all becoming cyborgs."

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 09:37:18 GMT

They're Insane

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 05:10:31 GMT

My Own Private Gallifrey

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 03:42:12 GMT

Well that's odd. It is the evening of June 24th, 2007 and the wikipedia has this to tell me:

So I grabbed a torrent of it and here I am, watching something that aired six days from now. Fantastic.

And the assets flowed freely...

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 13:01:49 GMT

...it took them two weeks and a day to return the money I'd lost due to credit card fraud. Thank you, Visa. Because of you I can pay my bills again.

Enjoy my book for free.

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 11:45:14 GMT

I used to have all of these stories scattered across the internet in various places so that a fellow could, given the requisite time and effort, consume the entirety of my short story collection without shelling out twelve bucks for the actual book. What can I say? I'm generous to a fault.

So much so, in fact, that I've extended my generosity to the point of collecting, assembling and formatting the short stories in question and placing them in one convenient file. I did this just for you. No, really, you and you alone. Those other nine hundred fifty MySpace friends mean nothing to me. They are merely the lucky scavengers of my personal and profound adoration for you.

So if you haven't bought the Damaged Goods paper book, or even if you have and you simply want to suppliment it with a digital version, you may now download Damaged Goods, the eBook for free. That's sixteen stories of people just like you (only in some cases with super powers and the like) who learn to be more careful of what they wish for - or more wishful of what they care for - as they struggle through this sorry, oppressive and crushing agony called life. Go ahead and click. You know you can not resist.

Download Damaged Goods for Free.

Distributed for FREE by Banthese Books.

The free edition of Damaged Goods contains all of the short stories from the print edition, plus two bonus items: Orders, Part One and Hellbound Snowballs: Chapter 0 preview fiction to come from Rob Callahan. This eBook is free to download, copy, share, print and what-have-you thanks to Banthese Books.

Warning: This book contains strong language and mature content. Younger readers are advised to keep it well-hidden from parents.